Mixed Emotions

I am hopeful.

I am terrified.

I am lucky.

I am anxious.

I am trying to stay positive.

I am reading lots of books, none related to babies or childbirth or pregnancy.

I am hugging Cole a lot.

I am still grieving.  I will always still be grieving.

I am dreading Mother's Day.

I am trying to let go of the things I cannot control.

I am keeping my fingers crossed.

I am grateful for a healthy 3-year-old and kindness from strangers.

I am trying to convince myself to do yoga.  It's not working.

I am craving Ben & Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk Ice Cream and Chai Tea.

I am picturing Cole with a sibling in his arms.

I am loving this boy

and this girl

  with all my heart.

I am trying to be a good Mama to all of my children.

I am anxious.

I am terrified.

I am hopeful.

In the end you can't always choose what you keep.  You can only choose how you let it go.

~Ally Condie