Resources

I started writing this blog a week after our first daughter was stillborn in September of 2012.  Initially, I wrote because the thought of telling everyone we knew what had happened to Molly was daunting.  I figured that by writing a blog post, I could reach everyone I needed to, be as detailed as I wanted to be, and tell people what I needed.  I also found it much easier to write about Molly than it was to say certain things out loud.  As time went on, I found new reasons to keep writing.

Right after Molly died, I felt like we were the only people in the world that had lost a child to stillbirth.  I knew that wasn't true, but I still felt extremely isolated.  I found resources over time, and sooner than I thought, I was ready to attend a support group.  Even with all of the people and help I found, I still feel that there is a strange silence in our country surrounding baby loss.  It is indeed one of the saddest things that can happen to a family, and because of that, no one wants to talk about it.  But I absolutely need to talk about it.  And I absolutely need to talk about Molly.  I will never pretend she doesn't exist or doesn't matter.  And as long as it makes people uncomfortable to talk about my girl and baby loss in general, then something is still wrong.  There is a large movement happening right now to increase awareness of baby loss through The Still Project, Carly Marie Project Heal, a movie entitled Return to Zero, and other non profits, blogs, and organizations.  I proudly write this blog in hopes that people who read it will become less afraid to talk about baby loss and more understanding of the confusion, pain, heartache, and hope that comes along with losing a baby at any stage.  Some resources that I found the most helpful on my own journey are as follows:

- Carly Marie Project Heal
- Still Standing Magazine
- Small Bird Studios
- Mikayla's Grace
- Madison Craft Studio on Etsy 
- The Compassionate Friends
- The Still Project
- I Heart Art and Baby
- Held Your Whole Life
- Baby Boards 
- Chasing Rainbows blog


Although I hope this blog reaches people who need it, I really write for my family.

For my incredible husband.  Brendon and I talk all the time about everything, but there are still things that are hard to say.  Writing helps both of us talk about Molly and how we are both coping.

For Cole.  He was not quite three years old when Molly died, but he was my savior.  On days when I didn't think I could get out of bed, I did it for him.  On days that it felt like there was no laughter left in the world, he found some.  On the days when I thought Molly was gone forever, he showed me that she's always with us.  It is one of my greatest hopes that he can someday read these posts and understand that he is the reason Brendon and I put one foot in front of the other after Molly died.  I will never be able to fully explain to him how much he means to me, but I will always try.  I hope my writing helps.

For Molly.  To keep her memory alive, to honor her, to love her, to keep her close.  To feel as connected to my first daughter as possible.

And for the future of our family, to tell any other children that we raise that they were wanted and loved even before they were born.