Molly's First Birthday

We've officially made it a year.  On the one hand, I can't believe it's only been a year.  On the other, how can we have survived an entire year without Molly?  I've said from the beginning how strange grief is.  How grief plays tricks on my mind.  Hitting the year mark is no exception.  I felt extremely sad on some of the days approaching Molly's Day, but on her actual birthday, I felt ok.  Surprisingly, fairly happy.  I know it helped that I planned pretty meticulously what her day would hold.  There wasn't much time for sitting around and letting my mind wander.  The days leading up to September 9th were less planned, but just as busy.

On Saturday, September 7th, Cole asked if we could go to the zoo.  Normally, I love taking him to the zoo.  On this day, I dreaded it.  Last year on September 7th, Cole and I also went to the zoo.  I remember walking around and hoping it would help me go into labor.  Because on that day, I thought Molly was still alive.  She may have been, but I'm not sure.  It was that evening when I realized I hadn't felt her move in a while.  It was basically the last "normal" day of my life, the last day before my world cracked in half, the last day before I had a before and an after.  So, I wasn't looking forward to a zoo trip on Saturday.  But the thing about stubborn, strong-willed 3-year-olds is that they don't care that the zoo might not be the healthiest or happiest place for their Mama to spend the day.  So, off we went.  I spent the first 45 minutes of our time at the zoo sitting on a bench outside the Herpetarium.  Not my favorite building, but it is Cole's.  While Cole and Brendon looked at animals I don't even want to write about, I people watched.  Talked to my sister on the phone.  Cried.  Thought about how different my life was a year ago.  Finally (FINALLY!) my boys emerged from their mini-adventure, and I decided to enjoy the day as best as I could.  We walked.  We saw animals.  Cole and Brendon rode the train and the carousal while I took pictures.  It was an ok day.  I was sad, but functioning.  I didn't weep all day, but the people who passed me as I sat on the zoo bench probably were a little curious about me.

Saturday the 8th was a day I was dreading.  The 8th marks the day that we found out Molly's heart was no longer beating.  The day we left the hospital, still pregnant, but devastated.  The day we returned to the hospital because of a panic attack.  The day we started Molly's induction.  I expected to feel horrible on the 8th.  I expected sadness and anger.  But, again, my confusing companion Grief had other plans.  I woke up on Saturday feeling fine.  We had planned on taking Cole to the beach or on the train ride in New Freedom.  However, Cole's cousins were going to Little Amerricka.  My sister had invited us a week ago, but I initially said no.  We went to Little Amerricka last year shortly after Molly died because we were trying to keep moving and do fun, kid things with Cole, despite feeling like crawling in a hole.  I was nervous that if we went to Little Amerricka on the 8th this year, I would have been bombarded with too many yucky memories to handle.  However, since I felt ok that morning, we presented Little Amerricka as an option to Cole.  I fully expected him to choose the New Freedom train, but Cole chose Little Amerricka.  So off we went.  And it turned out to be a pretty wonderful day.  When we got out of the car, Cole was so excited.  Shockingly excited.  Un-Cole-like excited.  Right away he said he wanted to go on the roller coaster, but changed his mind a little while later.  So he started on the firetrucks, helicopters, train ride, and cars.

After a full afternoon of rides, Brendon decided to try one last time to get Cole on the roller coaster.  And somehow, it worked.  The magic of Dada.

Before...

During...

After!  No Tears!

Cole's response to the roller coaster:  It was fun, and scary, and he liked it, and he would do it again, but not today.  And it made his face do this:

 And then to continue the theme of "shockingly adventurous," he also went on the Ferris Wheel. 

Cole was surprisingly brave.  If you know our son, you know that bravery and trying new things are not his strong suits. Which tells me that Molly was there giving him a little nudge.  It wasn't a perfect day - there was a bit of a meltdown at the end, and my mind occasionally wandered to how the day would be different if Molly were there, but overall, a much better day than I ever could have planned or hoped for.

Then we arrived at September 9th.  Molly Day.  Again, I didn't know how I'd feel, but I did have a hunch that the anticipation of the day would be worse than the day itself.  And it was.  We got up "early" (for Cole, changing out of his pj's anytime before 10am is early) to go to my 34 week prenatal appointment.  After a look at baby #3 and being told that she looks great, we headed to Vilas Park.  This park is right next to the zoo and has benches that are engraved by the Compassionate Friends organization with names of children of any age who have died.  Molly's name was added in May, but for some reason, we never went to see it.  It felt appropriate to stop by on her birthday and check it out.  I was happy to see Molly's name nuzzled between two babies whose Mom's I have come to call my friends.  There are so many things I am unsure of in all of this, but I have no doubt in my mind that these babies are Molly's friends, and they all helped me meet some wonderful women I never would have met otherwise.

I'm grateful her name is close to Frank and Samantha

After the park, we went out for lunch, and then headed to Party City to buy 20 yellow balloons for our small balloon release.  This is what Cole and Brendon did at the store while I was getting the balloons:

Brendon is pretty certain he had the same mask as a kid.

In my mind, 20 balloons would look lovely floating up into the clouds.  I didn't exactly think through how 20 balloons would look stuffed into Brendon's car.  The whole process was quite funny, due in part to a very illogical employee at Party City who thought that it would be best to string 10 trash bags (each containing 2 balloons) together for me to carry to the car.  When I got to the car, I couldn't figure out which bag to remove first.  It was one of those moments when I literally didn't know what to do, but I also knew that if I was watching someone else struggle with this problem, I would have been laughing.  Luckily, with the help of a different Party City employee, we got the bags apart without any floating away and fit all the balloons and Cole in the car.  And luckily, Cole thought it was funny to be smothered in balloons. 

When we got home, our extremely kind and generous neighbors Wendy and Marcus came over to take some family photos of us by Molly's Garden.  I don't have a plan for what I'd like to do with any of these photos, but it felt important to take a family photo on this day.  We will always remember Molly's first birthday as a day that should have been so different.  But it was also a day to recognize how far we have come in this past year. 

Cole snuggling the bear we were given when we left the hospital a year ago.

 

Deanna, Jake, James, Ella, Tommy, and Tess came over for dinner, cupcakes, and our balloon release. The kids all loved playing with the balloons beforehand, to the point where we had to foreshadow several times that the balloons were going to float into the sky and not come back.  We ended up keeping a few balloons in our house to avoid too much sadness.

 After a dry run in the house, we all held tightly onto our balloons and headed outside.

"One, two, three, Happy Birthday, Molly!"  Then, we let our balloons float up into the sky. (click here for video)

The kids then ran into the front yard to follow the balloons.  We could see them for a minute or two before they disappeared.  Beforehand, there were a lot of questions, particularly from Tommy and Cole about why we were letting the balloons float away.  Deanna and I answered them as best as we could, and we were both relieved that both boys were entertained and not sad watching the balloons float away.  Then it was time for cupcakes.  When I think of first birthdays, I always think of mushed up cake and frosting everywhere.  Since Molly wasn't here to do it herself, Tess helped out.

Before my sister took her kids home, she took the "left behind" balloons and wrote Molly's name on them.

 

After Cole went to bed, Brendon and I took these last five balloons outside.  We lit candles by the garden and let the balloons go.  It was nice to do something just the two of us to end the day.

So, overall, we had quite a nice day celebrating Molly.  We talked about our girl, but it didn't feel as sad as I expected.  It felt like a hopeful day.  While we were eating cupcakes, Deanna asked the kids what they were hopeful for.  James said he was hopeful that our new baby "will be born healthy and learn to play soccer."  Ella said that she hopes our new baby "plays sports."  Tommy simply said that he hopes the new baby gets to stay here and play with us instead of going to heaven.  Cole hopes "the cupcakes turn into grapes and then strawberries and then bananas (lots of laughter)."  I have lots of hopes.  I hope Molly feels how much we love her.  I hope she still reveals herself to Cole every once in a while.  I hope I can somehow find a way to help our new daughter connect with Molly.  And just like Tommy, I hope hope hope this new baby arrives safely into our arms to stay.

All throughout Molly's Day, Brendon and I both received e-mails, texts, Facebook messages, and cards in the mail providing us with support.  In the evening, we started to see photos of candles our friends and family had lit in Molly's honor.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all of you who supported us and remembered Molly with us yesterday, as well as every day.  We will never be able to tell you how much it means to us that Molly is in your hearts, too. 

I think September will always bring some sadness and challenging days for our family.  It will always be hard to watch kids go back to school and know that there is a little girl missing from the bunch.  It will always be sad to celebrate Molly's birthday without her.  But I know now that it won't be as sad as I expect it to be.  It is still a day of celebration, a day of accomplishment for our family, a day of hope.  A day to do special things for our first daughter.

Happy Birthday, sweet Molly.  We know you were with us yesterday, just as you are every day.  And until we are together again, we will continue to celebrate you on your day and every day.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) 
i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
~ e.e. cummings

A Soundtrack for Molly

By Brendon

Anyone who follows this blog knows we are faced with a significant date tomorrow… the anniversary of Molly's birth and loss. Sometimes we will refer to September 9th as her birthday, and sometimes we will simply call it "Molly Day," but no matter what we call it, it will always be an emotional date for us.

In honor of Molly Day, I thought it would be fitting to write about the "Molly" playlist that I mentioned in my last "guest post" here. Many people know that music has always been a significant part of my life. I'm not a musician (unless singing in the car and at karaoke counts), but more a collector and lover of music. I love to share good music and songs that are important to me, hence the mix CD gifts at our wedding six years ago and the 24 volumes of "Songs for Debra" CDs that I have given to my lovely wife since we met eight years ago.

Music can be such an important outlet and a way to process and channel emotions that otherwise might not come to the surface. Whatever a person is going through, song lyrics you never noticed before can suddenly scream in your ear, relating to your world and reassuring you that you're not alone. The song may have been written about something completely different, but you latch onto the emotion and make it your own.

After we lost Molly, music helped my brain work through some complex and painful feelings. It helped me feel things I needed to feel, and it kept Molly close to my heart as the months went by, reminding me of my love for her and the heartache of her loss.

I've been listening to my Molly playlist a lot lately. I would have shared so much music with her if she had lived, but for now the best I can do is to share these special songs with all of you. Maybe some of them will connect with you too. Below, I have taken some of the songs and pulled out the lyrics that are significant to me, along with a link to each song. At the end of this list, you'll find the full lyrics and link to a special song, "Gone Too Soon" by Daughtry. It is an emotionally powerful song that is an anthem for many bereaved parents and hits very close to home.

Thank you for reading, for letting me share this music, for supporting us, for giving us joy and hope, for making us laugh, and for keeping Molly in your hearts. One night several months ago, Cole told us that Molly sang to him in his bed. I can't wait to someday find out what songs she's been listening to and sharing.

"These Hard Times" – Matchbox Twenty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rwZJg40NLk Oh, there's something missing Oh, you never feel it but you Oh, you're gonna feel it When it's gone, when it's gone Say goodbye, these days are gone And we can't keep holding on When all we need is some relief Through these hard times "Try" – Pink http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPtlSF4TlJE But just because it burns Doesn't mean you're gonna die You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try Gotta get up and try, and try, and try You gotta get up and try, and try, and try Ever worry that it might be ruined And does it make you wanna cry? When you're out there doing what you're doing Are you just getting by? Tell me are you just getting by, by, by "Run" – Snow Patrol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLMyBBZmL2M To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbye I nearly do Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear "From Where You Are" – Lifehouse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tu-IGnL10c So far away from where you are These miles have torn us worlds apart And I miss you, yeah I miss you So far away from where you are I'm standing underneath the stars And I wish you were here I miss the years that were erased I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face I miss all the little things I never thought that they'd mean everything to me Yeah I miss you And I wish you were here I feel the beating of your heart I see the shadows of your face Just know that wherever you are Yeah I miss you And I wish you were here "Here Without You" – 3 Doors Down http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlDInVqv8cs Everything I know, and anywhere I go It gets hard but it won't take away my love And when the last one falls When it's all said and done It gets hard but it won’t take away my love I'm here without you, baby But you're still on my lonely mind I think about you, baby And I dream about you all the time I'm here without you, baby But you're still with me in my dreams And tonight, girl, it’s only you and me "Under Heaven’s Skies" – Collective Soul http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIKzYYKEH2k If ever you think careless is the night I'll comfort you with silence 'til the morning light Wherever you turn, wherever you may roam Whatever you conquer, I'll always be your home Cause you're beautiful my love, when I close my eyes yeah you're beautiful my love, under heaven's skies "Gone, Gone, Gone" – Phillip Phillips http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=667tmLl8W74 So I would do it for you, for you. Baby, I'm not moving on I love you long after you're gone. For you, for you. You would never sleep alone. I love you long after you're gone And long after you're gone gone gone. Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating Like a drum my heart never stops beating For you "Open Your Eyes" – Snow Patrol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtAGQTKC89Q All this feels strange and untrue And I won't waste a minute without you My bones ache, my skin feels cold And I'm getting so tired and so old The anger swells in my guts And I won't feel these slices and cuts I want so much to open your eyes 'Cause I need you to look into mine Tell me that you'll open your eyes "Perfect" - P!nk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-BIye98Ryic Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel Like you're less than, less than perfect. Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing, You are perfect to me!

"Forever" – Vertical Horizon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7TYRHDGffI And I don't know if you see me here But I can tell you your face is clear I will see you... Forever Forever I will see you Forever Forever I wanted you to be everything to me Now I've got to learn to carry on I know I cannot hide this emptiness inside But nothing is the same since you've gone Send me letters from above Send me strength, send me love Such sweet love Sing me songs that echo in my head and in my heart That's where you are And I don't know if you feel me here I can tell you one thing that's clear I will feel you... Forever "Daughter" – Loudon Wainwright III http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=trtUCX9aRm4 That's my daughter in the water every time she fell I caught her. Every time she fell. That's my daughter in the water, I lost every time I fought her. Yea, I lost every time. "Yellow" – Coldplay http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91B9lOG8It8 Look at the stars, Look how they shine for you, And everything you do, Yeah, they were all yellow. Your skin, Oh yeah your skin and bones, Turn into Something beautiful, And you know, For you I'd bleed myself dry, For you I'd bleed myself dry. "Baby Don’t You Cry" – Quincy Coleman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSY5E8Vvums Baby here's the sun Baby here's the sky Baby I'm your light and I'm your shelter Baby you are mine I could freeze the time Keep you in my kitchen with me forever Gonna be a pie from heaven above Gonna be filled with strawberry love Baby don't you cry Gonna make a pie And hold you forever in the middle of my heart. "Daylight" – Maroon 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg9Urm2_7xQ Here I am staring at your perfection In my arms, so beautiful The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out Somebody slow it down This is way too hard, cause I know When the sun comes up, I will leave This is my last glance that will soon be memory And when the daylight comes I'll have to go But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own But tonight I need to hold you so close "I Will" – Matchbox Twenty http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DzaisD5uSQ If you go Take a little piece of me Hang it by the place you sleep And dream of me Don't leave Just sleep away Don't let it go Don't let it fade Your dreams may cave And falling apart It's the only way We go so low When you don't know I will "What Hurts the Most" – Rascal Flatts http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGzKCTDGxbU What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that lovin' you Is what I was tryin' to do "Wake Me Up When September Ends" – Green Day http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVO8sUrs-Pw Here comes the rain again Falling from the stars Drenched in my pain again Becoming who we are As my memory rests But never forgets what I lost Wake me up when September ends Summer has come and passed The innocent can never last Wake me up when September ends

"Gone Too Soon" – Daughtry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVQzEGvtpqg

Today could have been the day,

That you blow out your candles,

Make a wish as you close your eyes.

Today could have been the day,

Everybody was laughing,

Instead I just sit here and cry,

Who would you be?

What would you look like,

When you looked at me for the very first time?

Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,

That I don't think of you,

I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,

Such a ray of light we never knew,

Gone too soon, yeah.

Would you have been president

Or a painter, an author, or sang like your mother?

One thing is evident,

Would've given all I had,

Would've loved you like no other.

Who would you be,

What would you look like,

Would you have my smile and her eyes?

Today could have been the next day of the rest of your life.

Not a day goes by,

That I don't think of you,

I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,

Such a ray of light we never knew,

Gone too soon, yeah.

Not a day goes by,

Oh

I'm always asking why.

Not a day goes by,

That I don't think of you,

I'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose,

Such a beautiful light we never knew,

Gone too soon,

You were gone too soon

Yeah.

Not a day goes by,

That I don't think of you.

Dear Molly

Dear Molly,

This week approaching your first birthday has been surprisingly difficult.  I don't know why it has surprised me - really, I should have expected it.  But I didn't.  It hurts so much right now that you are not here.  Usually, when I see little white butterflies playing in your garden, I smile.  This week, they make me sad.  Looking at your whole garden makes me sad right now, actually.  I know it is the most beautiful resting place we could have given you, but its imperfection is irritating me.  I know you don't care.  I know you don't need perfection.  Nor do you expect it from me.  But this week, I want the absolute best for you.

Your garden in May

 

Your garden today.  More chaotic than I'd like.  

A year ago today you were alive inside of me.  We don't know exactly when your spirit left your body, but we do know it was sometime between September 5th and September 8th.  So on this day last year, you were still here.  It will always baffle me how you could be here one minute and gone the next.  I haven't really been consciously thinking about today's date as significant in this regard, but I'm sure it's tying into my general sadness this week.

All sorts of things have been making me cry.  Aunt DeeDee's birthday is September 6th.  Your Nana made a birthday cake for her and brought it to our family Labor Day party.  When I saw the cake, the first thing in my mind was that your name should be on it, too.  My aunts and uncles kindly asked how my current pregnancy is going, but all I wanted to talk about was you.  Yes, your sister is getting big and my belly is huge, and yes, of course, I am grateful she is strong.  But this week is about you.  And all I want to tell anyone is that you would be turning one.  I want to say, "My daughter Molly would be almost one."

School started this week, too.  I've seen tons of First Day of Preschool and First Day of Kindergarten photos on Facebook.  I don't begrudge all those parents celebrating these great moments, but of course all they make me think of is how you will never have any Firsts.  No true first birthday with frosting in your hair.  No first haircut.  No first word or first steps or first day of school.  No first school dance, no first volleyball game, no first love.  And I have all sorts of firsts I don't want, starting with the completion of my first year without you.

I'm not painting a very happy picture, Molly, and I'm sorry for that.  This is just how I feel this week.  Missing the memories we should be making with you.  What would you look like now?  Would you be chubby like your brother was at one?  Would you have blond hair like your Dada?  Would you be walking?  Would you have my eyes?  How many teeth would you have?  Would you know how to say "Mama?"  I'll never know.  What I do know is how much you and Cole would love each other.  I know how happy you would make us.  I know how your Dada would look at you.  And I know that I would love kissing your baby toes and blowing on your tummy.

I have had a few lovely moments in the past few days when I really felt your presence.  I saw a huge, gorgeous yellow and black butterfly at our family party on Sunday.  Yellow is your color, and butterflies always make me think of you.  I felt like you were telling me that you were there, giving me strength, just like always.  I wish I had been able to get a photo, but I missed my chance.  We also had to drive through a very intense storm on our way home.  It was brief, but fairly scary.  If it hadn't cleared when it did, we would have had to find a safe place to pull over.  Luckily, it was a short storm.  And then we saw the most beautiful rainbow I have seen in years.  It stretched all the way across the sky and was incredibly bright.  When I saw this lovely rainbow, I felt that both you and your sister were telling me that you are both ok, and even though its confusing that I wouldn't have her if you were here, you both know I love you and always will.

I love you so much, Molly.  You will always be my second child, my first daughter, my beautiful, perfect baby.  I know every year this week will be difficult for me, but I believe that it is not challenging for you.  I know your spirit is free, and I know you are always with me.  I feel you in your brother's snuggles, I hear you in his laugh, I see you in his smile.  I see you in butterflies, rainbows, and Tess's hugs for your Dada.  I feel you when I cry for you, when Cole, Dada, and I laugh together, and when we sing along to any of our "Molly songs."  I miss you more than I can ever explain, and yet I know you will never truly be gone.  I am so proud to be your Mama.  I love you.

Love,
Mama

Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.
~Lilo and Stitch

Approaching a Year

September has arrived.  As I stare at my huge (and I mean HUGE) belly, I can't help but have flash backs to last year at this time.  On this exact date one year ago, I was 7 days away from my due date with Molly.  I was calm, confident, excited...it never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be coming home with a baby.  But then the impossible happened, and my world changed forever.  I've been thinking a lot about how we will mark Molly's Day on September 9th.  We have some plans to get us through.  We know it will not be an easy day.  In so many ways, I just want to get through it and have it be behind us.  But I also want to honor her.  Molly's life and death have changed me - I believe for the better, and she deserves to be recognized for that.  And to be truthful, September 9th was not actually a horrible day.  Despite the blanket of sadness, we got to hold our first daughter and finally see her beautiful face. 

I've been so focused on planning for September 9th, the day we call Molly Day, that I forgot about September 8th and 10th.  September 8th and 10th, 2012 were by far the two worst days of my life.   September 8th brought the news that Molly's heart had stopped beating.  That silent ultrasound and the look on the doctor's face as she said, "I'm sorry..." were two of the most awful, unthinkable, surreal things I have ever experienced.  September 10th was the day we had to lay Molly's body down for the last time and leave the hospital without her.  By far, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I honestly have no idea how I ever put her down or put one foot in front of the other to walk away.  That is a moment I never let myself think about.  Ever.  Her labor and delivery often cross my mind, especially as we prepare to head back to the hospital in a few weeks and deliver our second daughter.  It doesn't hurt to think about Molly's delivery.  But September 10th...absolute Hell.  And I never let my mind go there.

As we approach these three days of anniversaries, I've been reflecting a lot on the entire last year.  I've realized that September 9th is not just about Molly.  Its about my whole family growing and learning and loving and grieving and surviving.  Surviving.  In the days and weeks immediately following Molly's death, I had no idea how I was going to keep going.  I didn't know how my world would ever feel "normal" again.  I didn't know how I would ever start to do regular, simple things again.  But slowly, so slowly I didn't even realize it was happening, I started to feel ok in public again.  I started crying less each day.  I started going to scary places like the grocery store again.  I started feeling less hateful when pregnant women or families with two children crossed my path.  I just started living again.  Living my new normal.  Living the life I didn't think I'd ever have.  Some days better than others, but still living it.  And now here we are, almost an entire year later.  We have endured a horrible, unthinkable loss, and we have somehow survived for an entire year without Molly.

I've had waves of guilt recently because now that almost a year has passed, it is sometimes hard for me to imagine what our life would be like if she was here.  I, very likely, would not currently be pregnant.  And, yeah, that's a mess in my head.  One daughter or the other.  I wouldn't have both.  But I want both.  I will always want both.  I do know that if Molly was here, not only would this baby not be growing inside of me, but I would be a different person.  A less grateful Mom.  A more judgmental human being.  A woman completely oblivious to the struggles of bereaved parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and grandparents everywhere.  A less friendly neighbor.  So although I obviously want Molly here, I am also grateful for how she has changed me.  I'm better because of her.

I have a small request.  If you are able, please light a candle for Molly on Monday, September 9th.  If you do, I'd love to see photos.  I've said again and again that my biggest fear is that Molly will be forgotten, and if you could remember her with us next week, we would be honored.  Thank you to all of you, as always, for reading our story, supporting us, and keeping Molly alive in your hearts.

Every breath you took was through me.  
You are gone, and yet, I still breathe for you everyday.
~Lorinda Morley